How could you

Hey there! This is an old poem, but it has less than two reviews, so here I am (also, did you mean to save this as a poem, not a short story??)
This is quite a tragic poem, but I feel that this poem doesn't deliver that tragic emotion. It's very straightforward and has rather simple language, so I think one of the main things you could work on is adding more emotion. Incorporating figurative language and imagery can really help with adding more depth and emotion into this piece. I have a few other things I'd like to mention. These are just suggestions, so you don't have to listen if you don't want to!

The first thing I'd like to mention is your tense. I think for the first lines, you could use past tense instead to show that the relationship is in the past. Here is how you could do it

He was the one I couldn't live without.

He was the one who was always around,

he was the one speaking now

he was the one I could only dream about.

Although the third line doesn't make sense now (you could change it),I think this makes more sense since the relationship is now in the past. But this is just a suggestion!

The next thing I'd like to mention is capitalization. You usually capitalize the beginning word of each sentence/the word after a period or a question mark, but there are a couple of places you don't do this. I'll quote them below

how could you?

break me in two.

I recommend remaining consistent in your capitalization.

The next thing I'd like to mention is stanzas. Your poem is not super long, but it's not short, so I recommend dividing your poem into stanzas. I've put one out of the many ways you could divide your poem in the spoiler below!

Spoiler

He's the one I can't live without.

He's the one whose always around,

he's the one speaking now

he's the one I can only dream about.


Trust was a must in our relationship

how could you wreck it like an abandon ship?

How could you?

After all we've been through

how could you break me in two?


Did you do it on purpose?

Or was I even worth it?

I gave up on you because you gave up on me.

I think you became blind because you can not see.


How could you?

After all we've been through

how could you?

how could you?


break me in two.

How could we?

We're not meant to be.


How could I?

After all you've been through

how could I

take this from you?

It was a bit hard to break it into stanzas since you have a lot of repetition, but it would be easier for you since this is your poem after all.

The next thing I'd like to mention is line length. The former half consists of medium length lines, but then the latter half switches to very short lines. I recommend remaining consistent in your line length. If you don't want to change anything, dividing your poem into stanzas would help this.

Now on to specific lines!

He's the one whose always around,

I believe you meant "who's" to mean "who is always around"

he's the one I can only dream about.

This is worded awkwardly, or at least to me. I think "he's the only one I can dream about" sounds and flows better.

how could you wreck it like an abandon ship?

"abandon" should be "abandoned"

I think you became blind because you can not see.

You use two different tenses in here. "I think you became blind because you could not see." sounds better to me. But this line is a bit strange. It's an obvious statement - you're blind if you can't see. So to me this line is weird and just feels a bit wrong. Perhaps you were going for something like, you had two eyes that worked, yet you were blind to my feelings, or something like that? I just made that on the top of my head

Overall, with some revisions, I believe this poem would be really good! c: You have a great start here, and I hope this helped!